Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
