I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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