Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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