Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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