she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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