she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My balls are so social today.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
