you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
