His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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