i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
