i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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