I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
why is half of my head shaved?
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