So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
