i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
