It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it because I queefed?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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