Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Less talking, more tequila
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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