i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
