I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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