i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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