You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
