You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize