I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
