If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
