epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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