Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize