More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
