I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
