well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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