Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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