A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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