I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
