we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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