haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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