Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
