i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
