yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
