Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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