She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
