had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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