just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
