I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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