If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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