I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
