if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
