Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
