i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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