I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
