Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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