and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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