Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
