i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
