I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
