its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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