Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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