Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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