The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
