Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
