Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
