Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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