he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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