Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
