she smelled like a LAN party
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
