i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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