hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
