i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
