Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
