Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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