i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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