Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
