I just pynch a tree in the face
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
