so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
